The Abhorrent realisation

My day was going just fine up until a few moments ago, now immediately i decide i want to kill myself.
Woke up too early, too little sleep, my last enty was only like 6 hours ago, Went to a lovely drugs lecture, as usual about stuff i already know but just didn't think about. Then i forced myself to the Citizen's Advice Bureau about the damn house, we're in the right, then get in contact with Harper, mother and Pinpoint Pete about the house. I nearly had a kangaroo burger, but the whole world food fair smelt like some god-awful Polish shit wrestler. Encountered the greatest invention ever, this UFO toy that actually flies at just the press of a button...it'd never work anywhere but in a large shopping center, but fuck was it cool! Was gonna go shopping, but i don't have a fuckin clue, gonna go with Eva tomorrow.

Came back here to Chris' and talked to my delicious Hollie, when everything crumbled at the word 'sex'. I immedietly become so intolerable of my own skin.

I don't have time, lecture soon, so here's a flow -

sex -> lack of experience -> future performance anxiety -> failed relationships ->i get no relationships -> i'm lonely -> depressed -> feel like scum -> i have no unconditional love in my life -> it's my parents fault

Could go on for ages about it, but i already know and i'm recovered with chemical dependancy, so much for quitting!

"why must i be a slave to nature with a master telling me what to do, even though there's nowhere to do it, why am i being decieved?"